Yoga saved my life!

 

Yoga saved my life!

 

A few months ago I found myself in a position where I had unknowingly wrapped my self worth up in another person.  I let the opinion of another person change who I was.  I was so wrapped up in this other person that when they walked out of my life I didn't know how to function in every day life.  I fell so low and so depressed I unfortunately was only seeing one way out, that was not life. 

 

I had been told so many negative things about myself by this person, I felt ashamed of who I was as a person.  While I realize I have flaws as everyone does, I always strive to be a better person so pointing out some flaws can be appreciated, however this person went so far to tell me they wished my eyes were a different color.  Eye color is something that can not be changed, that's just the tip of the things that were pointed out to me.  I was told that I was "too skinny" and "too healthy" amongst many other things.  After being told these things, I felt so lost, so low, so depressed everyday life became almost unbearable.

 

I had fallen so low, I lost all self confidence, self-esteem and self-worth.  I would lay in bed and think how I couldn't go on with life, I didn't see the point in living anymore.  I was so overwhelmed that even putting my shoes on in the morning seemed like the most difficult task.  I remember a time in particular when I had gotten my laundry out of the dryer, laid it on my bed and started bawling, just looking at all that needed to be put up stressed me to no end.  I found myself at a point where I was so anxious I was unable to eat, that alone would upset me because I had already been told I was too skinny, the thought of dropping more weight (which I did) terrified me.  When I finally did start eating, I was eating the most processed unhealthy things, I was scared to be "too healthy" and I was desperately trying to pack weight back on for the approval of this person and everyone around me. 

 

I showed up to work one morning in late August at 6am, I had barely made it there as at that point I hadn't eaten or slept in days, I was having nightmares about all the ways I should change to please this other person and tearing myself down even more.  I walked in to work, tears streaming down my face all the while desperately trying to hide it, the last thing I wanted was to draw attention to myself.  A lady I had known for several years pulled me aside, not asking too many questions she told me she could help me.  I went to her house 2 days later, where she introduced me to EFT (emotional freedom technique) which is a form of acupressure, it helps take the negative  thoughts out of your subconscious and put positive thoughts in.  She is also an herbalist, that day she sent me home with a plethora of herbs and after the EFT I truly felt like I could take on the world!  I went home that night and ate for the first time in weeks, had a good nights rest, unfortunately 3 days later I crashed hard and found myself even lower than before.  I continued doing the EFT as well as taking the herbs on my own and meeting with her every two weeks. 

 

I tried to make an appointment with my therapist, however she was booked for 3 weeks.  I started reaching out to some close friends, this depression was not subsiding.  Finally some people talked me into anti-depressants.  I took them one night to no avail.  I had horrible side effects, my skin crawled and it amplified my already high anxiety.  I believe this was my lowest point, I called my Mom bawling early one morning and proceeded to tell her, I was so depressed I was barely functioning and I was scared.  She amongst others talked me through it and offered support.  I was finally able to get into therapy, I show up bawling as usual.  At this point it seemed I couldn't make it through one day without crying, not necessarily over that person who walked out of my life, but crying because I felt so worthless and unworthy.  My therapist diagnosed me with severe clinical depression, both my therapist and my herbalist told me I needed synthetic drugs.  I made a trip back to the Dr. for a new kind of anti-depressant, again that night the side effects came.  I had a talk with my Daddy,  several talks actually, he kept preaching mind over matter.  While there is absolutely nothing wrong with taking synthetic drugs when they are needed, I did not want to take them, I wanted to get through it on my own.  I could not justify being Organic Girl in the City and taking pills, it's not who I am.

 

I had always been intrigued by yoga, but never done it.  In the midst of my battle of depression this amazing woman makes an appointment with me at work, somehow she starts telling me about yoga and how much it changed her.  She told me people often bust into tears during class because they are holding in their issues and yoga helps you let go of those things.  I was very interested, I knew I had to let go of the negative thoughts in my mind as well as the past with that person.  I watched a documentary titled 'Yoga Is', and knew I needed to give it a try.  I looked online and found the perfect studio that had beginners classes. 

 

During my first yoga class, I almost cried tears of joy.  Everything the instructor was saying hit home, after class I asked her if it was true that yoga helps you to let go of things, she assured me I was at the right place to let things go.  After my second class she pulled me aside and asked me what was going on in my personal life, as she is a counselor on the side and really wanted to help.  I told her, and she mad me feel so much better, she shed light on the situation that no one else had.  She assured me that those negative thoughts and feelings I was holding in simply were not true, that they needed to be let go of.  I have been going to yoga for a little over a month now and  have never felt better.  I started for the spiritual benefits of the practice, but in the meantime my body is toning up, I am become more balanced, and strong inside as well as out.

 

In the small amount of time I have been doing yoga I have learned so much!  I have learned that it is okay to have faults, to fail and to show vulnerability, in fact if more people were honest about their faults and failures the world would be more peaceful.  I have learned that I don't need another person to tell me my self worth.  It is okay to be unique and different, no matter what always stay true to yourself. 

 

For everything that person put me through, I know I am not innocent, I said some inappropriate things along the way, I can admit that.  I have evolved from the situation, hopefully that person is taking their time to grow and evolve as a person as well.  Because of yoga, I stand before you a stronger person than I have ever been, I have been able to forgive that person, and also forgive myself enough to move on.  I am no longer depressed, my self-confidence is higher than before, my self-esteem is rising,  I am happier than I have been in quite a while.  Two months ago life didn't seem worth living, and now I look forward to waking up every morning, especially on yoga days! 

 

If you are finding yourself in a depressed state, I promise it does get better, sit tight, stay positive and wait for your future to unfold.  I am at a point of forgiveness with my for lack of a better word "nemesis"  in fact I am almost at a point of thankfulness, if none of this happened, I would have never discovered yoga, I am a completely different person than I was even 6 months ago, more relaxed and at peace than I have ever been.  I now know it is okay to be me, it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks of me, only what I think of me. 

 

I leave you with a quote on the wall at the yoga studio:

 

"Yoga is NOT about being bendy.....  It's about showing up to your mat consistently without knowing what is going to happen and being okay with that.  It's about rehabilitating yourself and not believing the 'experts' when they say you are too injured or too old.  It's about believing you can do anything even if it's the most scariest impossible thing you could ever dream of.  It's about uncovering who you really are.  It's about being kind to yourself so you can be kind to others.  Yoga is about discovering that most of the crazy thoughts in your head are not true.  It's about being healthy without pushing yourself to the limit.  It's about slowing down to get strong.  It's about breathing, and moving, and smiling on the inside.  It's the hardest thing I have ever done, but also the best."

 

If you live in the OKC metro the yoga studio I attend faithfully you can find at www.beyondyogaokc.com.



Stadium Food Crossfire!

 

Stadium food crossfire!

 

 

I was recently at an event that took place inside of a stadium.  This particular event was scheduled to last for at least 8 hours.  I would like to point out this was an outdoor event in July, which where I live is one of the two hottest months.  On this particular day the high was approximately 97 degrees,  multiply that when your sitting in the direct sun light for almost the entire event. 


I did eat before I left for the stadium,  however in an 8 hour period a person simply must have some sort of sustenance.  I am a, "bring your own"  kind of gal, for example I have snuck my own organic popcorn into movie theatres, not just for the price, but for the nutrition value as well.  I pack my lunch when I am unable to run home for a bit during the day,  I always like to have a healthy option available.  When someone is hungry and there are no healthy options available, they tend to make a rash decision, and regret it later. 

Being a vegetarian it is easy to fall into the "junk food vegetarian" role.  They warn you about this in vegetarian school!  I kid!  there is no school, however there is plenty of information out there.  While chips and ding dongs don't have any meat, so it is an easy resort, they also have no nutritional value.  Making healthy choices is somewhat difficult when at a stadium, especially in the states.

As you can see above is an example of a typical stadium food menu.  Absolutely no healthy choices, mostly fried, you can bet genetically modified, astronomically priced food choices.  Per the usual this event was strictly no outside food or beverage.  There went my containers of veggies and fruits I typically bring to places with no healthy options.  I was at the event with my Mom, we both started to get hungry knowing we had no other options for several hours, stuck in the stadium food crossfire we had to eat at the event.  Horrified at the menu, we chose to share an entree where she could eat the meat, and I could eat the side of french fries.  Mind you I rarely eat french fries, but desperate times call for desperate decisions.  At the least I was tied over until I could get home,  at the end of the night even Mom said, "I want real food".

At this point I am thinking, "don't they at least have a banana back there for this girl?" of course they don't.  At this event, they would not even sell a person a cup of ice without putting soda in it, no thank you!  You can keep your corn syrup and I will pay $4.00 for a bottle of unfiltered dasani water, which I am sure has fluoride in it, however that is a completely different story.

I purpose stadiums start to include healthy options.  Although I realize I am maybe in the 5% of event goers who would make the healthy choice,  I would still like the option. 

What I believe would be an even better option is an experiment.  I purpose, some stadium somewhere in the USA switch out all of their bad food for ONLY healthy options.  They could serve, organic grilled meats, baked foods, perhaps a vegetable medley as well as a fresh fruit cup.  They could also switch out all their soda for tea, and fresh squeezed juices.   I am not delusional,  I know that the public would be angry at first, however they would get over it as the night went on, and at the end of it all they would feel better.  

I feel we should force the healthy choice on people,  I don't see the harm, I am always forced to make the unhealthy choice.  At the end I would like to hear how people feel.  Nothing makes a person feel more sluggish than a basket of fried processed food, and corn syrup to wash it down!  

Obesity, cancer, diseases galore, hmmm a connection maybe?!!  Tell America to stop force feeding us junk!  Make the healthy choice, speak up, and above all VOTE WITH YOUR DOLLAR!!

An organic sellout with a dream!

   Up until a few weeks ago, I could challenge anyone to rummage through my cabinets in an attempt to find a single non-organic product.  I would have bet money they wouldn't find anything.  That is until I created a goal and in an attempt to save money I started buying a few conventional products.  The first thing to go was my organic freshly ground coffee, so rich and delicious.  The first few pots of non-organic coffee tasted life feet to me.  I am starting to wonder if it is worth the savings.

There are several foods as well as ingredients I refuse to put in my body that are not organic.  No matter how tough the economy is you will never see me waiting in line to order off the McDonald's dollar menu!  I will not eat any corn, soy, or dairy products that are not organic, I don't eat meat so I have that going for me!  I will not eat, and no one should eat anything where the label says hydrogenated or partially hydrogenated.  In a nut shell hydrogenated oils are trans fats, trans fats are majorly toxic the human body.  The less processed foods you consume, the better!  Recently I have also purchased a few conventionally grown produce instead of organic. 

So what am I saving for?  I have a quaint little home in the city, it's perfect size for myself and my small little family for now.  I am very grateful I have a home, and happy with where I live except for my neighbors, and the fact I can not have live stock.  My daddy is a local truck driver who often hauls dirt into new home additions, that he sends me through to look at homes.  A good amount of the time, the homes are way above my price range.  He sent me through an addition with a beautiful home in my range, which sent me on a house hunting frenzy.  Daddy really wants me to build, I was iffy about building until I found the perfect floor plan for my hippie lifestyle and fell madly in love. 

 I thought I wanted to live in the city until a recent visit to my Aunt and Uncles home in the country on land.  The place is amazing!  They have chickens and guineas, wild deer that they feed.  I found eggs in the chicken coop and lit up like a child on Christmas morning!  Free range for their animals is an understatement, they rome all over the property.  I thought to myself, "I want this life!" 

To sum it up I am saving for a house on land where I can have live stock and a huge garden, a mud room where I can shuck my boots off after being outside, and also a place to make my home made concoctions.  I want it so bad, I have only had one day off in the month of March, and will continue to work that hard to reach my goal! 

Due to my overwhelming work schedule I have been unable to partake in my hobbies recently.  Today I worked only a half day and was able to bake an organic coffee cake, make tooth paste, and make dishwasher soap!  I couldn't be happier, I feel more like myself today than I have all month!!

I know what I am dreaming of, and will work very hard for it, that being said no matter how bad you want something,  never lose site of the little things that make you happy along the way!  I am reminding myself as well as everyone else all things in moderation weather it is food, work, or saving money.  Remember to make time for the things and people you love!

Holiday Success!!

 

 

     I am happy to report I made it completely through the holiday season while remaining an organic vegetarian! If I can do it than anyone can.

   I have mentioned previously that traditional holiday food is not my forte as it is bland to my taste buds that were raised eating traditional Mexican food, and meals made by my foodie parents. You can imagine my excitement when my uncle announced they were having Mexican food for Christmas Eve dinner. Not only do I love Mexican food for its flavorful properties that excite my pallet, I also love that it is simple to make a vegetarian option with Mexican food. 

I have currently been taking my own like meals to family events, I find out what they are having in advance, cook my own organic option and bring it to the dinner. For Christmas Eve dinner I wanted to be able to contribute, I already had an awesome Mexican rice recipe that I had found on food.com, I turned it organic and made it my own. I cooked a pot of Mexican rice and was able to make my own Mexican rice nachos! They were delicious, the best part was I had enough rice to share, as well as enough left over to make another plate of nachos for Christmas dinner at Moms although mom made a traditional Christmas meal of ham and all the fixings!

           

  I didn't show up to Christmas dinner empty handed either. I made a delicious chocolate trifle I had made previously for different events. I took the recipe from Betty Crocker, turned it organic, created it completely from scratch, and made it my own. I am extremely proud of it as this was the first time I had made it completely from scratch. It was a hit!
 

With only one minor skirmish... (its not the holidays without an argument)  everything went off without a hitch.  I was able to stay true to my organic vegetarian lifestyle while still participating in all holiday activities.  The hardest part of the year to have a lifestyle that is different than most, I made it through with ease!

  I have been under the weather this week and was unable to make a trip to the grocery store.   The particular grocery store I frequent is  almost 19 miles from my house so often getting there is a task in itself.  Luckily the town I live in has a store with organic options, options are limited yet organic none the less and perfect when in a bind.  I am what my Dad calls a "food hoarder" as my Mom does some of the things I do as well, I like to call it "semi-prepping".  What this means is when I use one of a particular item in my pantry, I replace it with two.  I cleaned out my pantry of all non-organic food in late September 2012 and have been working on refilling it with only healthy organic options ever since.  I am happy to say it is almost back to where it was before donating all the non-organic food!  Back to the semi-prepping, I do this for a multitude of reasons one being inflation,  it is less expensive for me to purchase two now then it will for me to purchase one six months from now.  Another reason and a biggie is convenience, I can cook virtually anything anytime without having to run out to the store for ingredients.  I am always prepared, even if I am unable to make my bi-monthly trip to my favorite grocery store.

  My stocked pantry came in very handy earlier this week,  I had some over ripped bananas I did not want to go to waste.  I found a banana nut recipe, turned it organic, made it my own and in less than an hour I had banana nut muffins without having to run to the store for ingredients or even get out of my pajamas!

  Making things from scratch is not hard at all,  I think the list of ingredients can sometimes be intimidating for people.  Just take it one step at a time!

  Four months now and I am still an organic vegetarian,  I have to admit it is getting a lot easier.  I can't wait until spring/summer for all the wonderful fresh produce.  If you are just starting your journey to vegetarianism, an organic lifestyle or whatever you lifestyle choices may be, there will be bad weeks, as well as good weeks, one thing I can promise is it DOES get easier and you CAN absolutely do it!!